Viewpoint: Parents have role in teen dating violence
Erica Ritsema
Fifteen years ago, Congress declared February as Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. According to the Office of Public Instruction’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey data from 2021, more than 1 in 20 Missoula County high students who are dating have been physically harmed by a dating partner. Moreover, 1 in 10 high school students in our community have been raped.
Parents have an important role to play in helping their kids develop healthy relationships. While you might get an eye roll, research shows that teens DO care what their parents think about sex and relationships and want to hear from parents about their values. Here are a few tips to help you start these conversations:
Don’t have “THE TALK,” have lots of short talks. Short, frequent conversations are easier for teens to digest. It also puts less pressure on the conversation. You don’t have to cover everything at once.
Use teachable moments. Whether watching TV shows or movies, listening to music, or reflecting on current events, there are a lot of opportunities to use teachable moments to start brief conversations about relationships, sexuality, and your values. Here are some examples:
“The way that character talked to her boyfriend/girlfriend was mean and disrespectful. How could they have resolved their conflict in a healthier way?”
“Yikes! Stalking is never okay. It’s weird that this rom-com is making that seem sweet and romantic.”
“Do you think the relationship this song describes is healthy or unhealthy?”
You don’t need to know all the answers. Your kid doesn’t need you to be an expert on relationships and sex, but they do want you to be someone that is safe to turn to when they have questions. Thank them for asking you. Teens often turn to friends, social media, and the internet for answers, which aren’t always reliable sources.
It’s okay to tell your kid you need some time to think about how to answer or that you need to look it up. Ask them what they’ve already heard about a topic. This is a great way to listen and not just lecture. It also gives you an opportunity to address misinformation they may have heard.
If your teen has experienced dating violence, resources are available in our community to support them. YWCA Missoula has a 24/7 crisis line that can be reached at 406-542-1944. Support and resources are also available at the Crime Victim Advocate Program (406-258-3830) and First Step Resource Center (406-329-5776). Not sure if your teen’s relationship is healthy? LoveIsRespect.org has great resources for identifying red flags.
Want to learn more about how to talk to your teen about dating, relationships, and sex? Join Missoula Public Health, The Parenting Place, and Families First on Monday, March 31 from 5:30 to 7 p.m. at the Missoula Public Library (Cooper Room B) for a workshop on How to be an Askable Parent. We will focus on talking to your teen about the threat of sextortion.